realsean (realsean) wrote in freaks_united,

Delicious Surprise

I'm finding as I'm re-writing this show and working it out at open mikes that audiences don't believe I really once weighed 275 pounds. And not just "once" I mean I was a really fat kid, teenager, and adult. No breaks. I grew up in a family that relied on food for celebration, comfort, self-destruction, boredom. So much fucking boredom. Taco Bell was our court jester.
People think I'm whining or just making fun of the fat community. How could I? I AM the fat community. I'm convinced this is not the last I'll be seeing those rolls in my belly. I'm sure deep down that my sleekness is temporary. I don't deserve to be healthy or sexy. Sing it with me, Rosie.

I grew up hiding my self from my sexuality with cheesecake, just like Bea Arthur. I still do. If you don't think I don't want to go fuck every short asian muscular power top/bottom I see, you're blind. I want it. But I'm scared to want anything too much.

Scared to come with guys I really like. Scared to dance as hard as I can. Scared to invest my hardest work into my art.

All of these things would allow my eyes to roll into the back of my head for too long. I might look stupid, like I did 100 pounds ago.

Scared to make eye contact with even close friends. Scared to reign it in, scared to let it go. I'm a droppy faucet.

Even Sam doesn't believe this show, and she's a friend from the fat days. She even spent time at fat camp. What do I have to do to convince you I'm addicted to peanut butter?

I should never have peanut butter again. Peanut butter on a waffle with maple syrup, whip cream and bananas is as unsafe for me as bottoming for a homeless drug addict without a condom.

Tonight you told me that what makes me funny is my honesty. That I can't give up. That I must make it funny.

In the morning Wendy wants to see SOMETHING.

And gave me the only hope I had. You're a piece of cake that showed up in the fridge--a delicious surprise everytime I talk to you, hug you, kiss with you...

Thank you.

If I won me the lottery
I'd dance naked in the street
With a top hat full of money
And you'd wanna get to know me
If I won me the lottery
And if I was a movie star
I'd sip honey from a pickle jar
In the back of my limousine
They'd call me an icon
And I'd be lookin' back at you
From the cover of the People magazine
I guess it's all for the takin'
I guess it's all yours and mine
Danny says I got to see it and believe it
I believe it, I believe it
If I;m just an outsider
I'm livin' in a trailor
with a black and white tv set
If only I was president
You know I'd paint the white house pink
And never have to pay the rent
If only I was president
I guess it's all there for the takin'
I think it's all yours and mine
Wendy says I've got to see it and believe it
I believe
I won't sleep 'til I've had enough
I believe
Won't sip my wine from no paper cup
I believe
Won't sleep 'til I've had enough
Until I've had enough
Delicious surprise
Now I do believe
Now it's there all the time
Inside I knew it all the time

Current Mood: refreshed
Current Music: "Delicious Surprise (I Believe It)" Jo Dee Messina
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